Gaga’s hotel – blood, sex and fashion

„Be demons and kill everything sacred in your souls“ – that was the message of this season. The dark propaganda crossed all lines at dozens of different levels so the first thing I have to do is explain some of them.

All characters were mentally ill. Why didn’t anyone say that? Those people weren’t just weird or twisted, they were actually mentally unstable monsters who were all represented as just a bit unusual individuals. As an artist who loves twisted individuals, I can assure you that these characters were nothing but totally crazy in clinical terms. That way the viewer was forced to choose his “positive“ characters in a story where there aren’t any.

Murder is something wonderful. That was preached in such brutal ways that it would have been more delicate to just whisper it from the corner in every scene. Every spirit or vampire experienced himself through killing. Even more. They kept insisting that the murders make them feel alive and spiritually purified and at the end, it was made pretty clear that killing is the only way to freedom. Too wrong, too devious, too sick.

What the hell was happening with the sex in that movie? During the entire season, there was only one normal erotic scene – between pathetic characters, of course. All the others included blood, tearing people apart and honestly, too much bisexuality. I haven’t notice that humanity has evolved to a level where everyone is bisexual, so that weird phenomenon was a total mess up. And why all the guys looked the same way? Except for James March who was the only one that can be called sexy.

Violence and sex went hand by hand the entire time, creating the impression that this is the natural order of things. Often the scenes were styled in a very creepy way that makes you feel like someone is giving you poison directly into your soul but you like it. In this season the “horrors” weren’t horrifying at all. Quite the opposite. They were attractive and seductive, constantly asking you to join in. I believe it won’t be too much if I say that these series want to turn their viewers into serial killers.

After the propaganda, the time has come to talk about the one who’s responsible for it – Lady Gaga. For some reason, the movie was made in her style and every episode looked like an unusually long video of some of her songs. Blood, sex, fashion, demonizing of the subconscious and sickness – I was expecting Lady Gaga to start singing any moment so she can bring the missing piece of the puzzle.

 

But enough negativity. It’s time for the fun part – the attempts for creating a storyline. The first catastrophe in it is the ghosts with bodies but we already had that in the other seasons. Under number two is the biggest failure of season five – the police. During decades, hundreds of people have been killed in the hotel, and their bodies went missing, but nobody suspects anything? This is a terrible attempt for a mean joke either with the policemen or with the writers. But for our consolation, in the last episode, it occurs to our characters that slaughtering all the clients of the hotel “may get suspicious“. Do you think so!? I wonder if a thousand people vanishing in the same hotel isn’t a little bit more than suspicious? And after we add the fact that the main character is a cop and a serial killer, who is also living in the same building, it gets even more realistic. And what is left to say about the twenty children that were running around on a rampage, eating people, who in the end simply went to live in the hotel without anyone ever looking for them? I have written criminal stories and as much as I want it, the police are not that dumb.

Here are a few small but shockingly stupid mistakes:

The demon with the drill. Where did he come from and why? How did he become a demon and not just a human spirit? His only actual role was in the first episode and after that, he was just blinking in the dark corners which, honestly, was beyond stupid. If it’s Sally’s demon at least it has some tiny logic but when it turned out that it’s James March’s, I was going to start crying from the desperate stupidity that they were offering me.

Elisabeth’s baby wasted an entire episode with its existence but at the end, nobody told us what is going to happen to it after its mother is dead.

Tristan’s spirit didn’t appear because he didn’t want to stop Liz from living her life? People, can you hear yourselves? How stupid is thiiiis!? They could have at least tried to come up with something better instead of demonstrating their talentlessness.

In the last episode the medium connected with Donovan’s spirit. For the first time, I hear about mediums who can contact spirits, that have already passed into the other world. And what kind of an extra sense is she if she sees spirits that are visible for everybody? That’s just dumb.

We finally reached my favorite part – the characters.  For the first time in “American horror story“, we are looking at attempts to give them some deeper perspective. Very sad attempts, really, but they were there.

Thank you, Liz Taylor! You were wonderful! Without you, this season would have been unbearable. You were the light in the hotel “Cortez“. You were that essence of craziness and absurdity which makes the world a better place. You carry inside you love, art, courage and freedom. Your creators befouled your love with Tristan, but we both know that if I was writing it, you would have been in a real love story. They also didn’t finish the love between you and Elisabeth but I saw the truth anyway. I give you a million points for the way you pronounced “flowers“, for shooting at Elisabeth and for the fact that you are the first woman in the world with prostate cancer. I give you the award “Best Character“.

Ah, my dear maid! Why did you betray James? On some level I understand you. If you weren’t that pathetic, you could never become perfect in my eyes. For me, it’s completely impossible not to like a person whose highest value in life is cleaning. You even chose for the love of your life to kill himself before you so that you can clean after him and with that decision you won my respect forever. You get the award “Best supporting character”.

Elisabeth. I know you tried but you couldn’t make me believe that you are something else but trash. Your drama was pathetic and meaningless, just like your life. Maybe there was going to be something charming about you if you weren’t living like a prisoner in some shitty hotel. The script tried to make you more spiritual but things only got worse. You tried to sell me love, then absolute emptiness, then rebirth of the soul – no, no, no. Elisabeth, I give you the award “Worst character development”.

Donovan. You are a pathetic imitation of a worm. You make me sick. You were so weak, that next to you Anastasia Steele is an overman – and that’s not an exaggeration. You betrayed the love of your love, you betrayed your mother, and you betrayed the people that made you betray them. That turned you into a nonentity on a new, unknown until now level. With your mother you acted like a heartless full – first you despised her, but then, when she was going to die, you started crying and you brought her back to life as a walking corpse just so you can satisfy your weakness. At the end, you even had the arrogance to tell her that you love her. In your relationship with Elisabeth, you really crossed all levels of patheticness that I could imagine – you were so weak and disgusting that how did you manage to live with yourself is beyond me. You were crawling at her feet but you couldn’t do even that well and you killed her only true love because you were…jealous.  Of course, you couldn’t kill her too and that way you betrayed Ramona and yourself. You thought that you love Elisabeth too. Oh, Donovan, you are not worthy of love and you are totally incapable of this feeling. I give you the award “Most pathetic character of all times”.

Iris, let’s be honest. You had no idea what are you doing, right? Well, I didn’t know either and I’m positive that the writers also didn’t have a clue. You became a psychopath, you killed a few people, you pretended to love your son and you moved on to the show “the bad becomes good”. Really dull. As a compromise, I give you the award “unnecessary add-on to the script”.

Ramona Royal – congratulations on your name. You were the female version of Donovan. Luckily, you didn’t get the chance to betray anyone, but you were such an idiot… just a little bit more and I could feel admiration. After twenty years of thinking about your revenge against Elisabeth, the plan you came up with was “I will take a knife and walk in through the main entrance”. Genius. After three unsuccessful attempts, you have already proven yourself as the biggest idiot in the movie, but you decided to confirm that one more time. So at the end when you finally got the chance to kill Elisabeth and to get your revenge, you thought it would be best to…sleep with her and let her go. I give you the award “Stupidest character”.

Sally. Our relationship kept growing in a very interesting way, Hypodermic Sally. I have to tell you that at the beginning, I despised you. And I still do. But with time another feeling appeared inside me – respect. Your only desire was to escape from loneliness. You didn’t care who is with you, you just wanted to have someone. You murdered people and imprisoned their souls for eternity just so that you will never have to be alone. You understand that this can make you nothing but a rag for a public toilet. But your loneliness was so dark, infinite and consuming that I started to respect it. You had a pathetic goal but at least you chased it at any price. And here I have to apologize to you. I will do that instead of the writers, who forced me to give you the award „Most humiliated character“. I am sorry, Sally. The woman that was ready to do anything for a single moment, when she doesn’t feel alone, that sewed herself to living people so that she can feel close to them, found salvation from loneliness in… the social media. I am really sorry that your creators did that to you in the name of the propaganda. Social media is loneliness and you can understand that better than anyone else. I only like the sad metaphor that people, who find comfort in the internet communications are just like you – dead and prisoners of their own mind.

 

At the end comes John’s family, which I refuse to address directly. They were terribly boring and mainstream. And even the fact, that he was a serial killer and the mother and his son were vampires, didn’t make them more interesting. To such mediocre people, I can only give the award “Most banal characters”.

This was definitely the best season but also the one containing the most dangerous propaganda. I hope that in future we will concentrate on the words “story” and “horror“ and not “American”.