The Illuminati are unemployed. A fact that was positively confirmed by the thousands of people waiting in lines in front of the labor bureaus all around the globe.

“What’s your occupation?”, asks the woman behind the desk.

“Illuminati”, he replies with a struggled look.

“Good Lord, what’s going on with you, people? We have never met you before and now all of your members are searching for our services.”

“Oh, don’t ask. We are living in very hard times. You would think that the destruction of the entire humanity is a hard thing to do but as it turns out – it’s not. The crisis hit us badly and there is nothing left that’s worth destroying.”

“Yes, I understand. Ok then. What are your skills?”

“Well, you know. Cultural collapse, degradation, glorifying  stupidity and inability, stimulating frailty and inaction, inciting spiritual death.”

“And how is all this happening? What methods do you use?”

“The usual. We call people to moral and modesty. We teach them the basic virtues like putting the opinion of others above your own and serving blindly to society. We are trying to remove the different because they are always a source of trouble.”

“Sir, I am really sorry, but I have nothing to offer you. We just don’t have any available job positions.”

“Anywhere? Please, don’t say that. You have to find something. I will do anything.”

“I could offer you to point people towards God and after that to create an entirely wrong and sick idea about Him in which everyone will believe, but the church has already taken away this opportunity.”

“Then maybe I can make a mutiny and create many possibilities for war?”

“I don’t have all day. Let’s be serious. Have you looked at the world? Do you really believe that someone needs you to make war?”

“Well, then I can entice individual people to violence?”, he says with a desperate voice and question intonation.

“First of all, I have no idea what you mean by “individual”. People are a herd. And second – I think it’s pretty clear to all of us that when it comes to violence, there hasn’t been an open spot from centuries.”

“They really have no use of me. Can’t you find me a place in the art section? Music? Cinema? Literature?”

The woman looks at him with honest sympathy and smiles.

“I want to help you, but you have to understand that there is just no way. I know it is hurtful but you have to accept that you are no longer needed. The only art that the world likes is the talentless one. There are only a few periods in history when it was different and most likely it was by chance. Music and cinema have no sense and are made by people without any talent whatsoever and literature is in the past. I’m sorry, but there is no work. And before you ask, the same goes for the other arts too.”

“What about money?“, he says with a tide of hope. “I can make them think that money is the most important thing in life.”

“You could. But for that to happen first you have to make them stop thinking it. And this, my dear, not even your organization could do.”

“I get it. Thank you for your time”, the man whispers with sorrow and gets up from his chair. “Wait! What about love and freedom?! There has to be some job in this sector! I will teach them to call love everything that’s not love and I will make them give up their freedom.”

“Looks like you are having a nervous breakdown and your brain stopped. Can you hear yourself? Love!? People never knew what that is and they never will. And if some kind of miracle happens, there still aren’t going to be any job offers, because the people, my dear, are completely incapable of experiencing love. As for freedom… Look around. Everyone has already given it up.”

“But… Then what are we supposed to do? All these Illuminati that will be left on the street?”

“The way I see it you have only one option. You have to colonize other planets. Your job here is done.”

The man walks away with a sad look on his face and I take his place.

“Why are you here?”

“To make a Spiritual Revolution.”

The woman smiles warmly and says:

“Now that’s a position for which there are definitely a lot of free positions.”