Each of us meets new people all the time. I admit the chances are slim, but when we take a liking to one of these people, we decide to get to know them. And that’s when disaster strikes. The conventional ways of getting to know someone may be in line with what’s morally right and normal, but they don’t take effect for about 20 to 30 years. This basically means that time is extremely limited, and if we’ve chosen the wrong people… Well, what can you do—there are other lives to live! That’s why we’re now going to look at the new, unconventional methods of getting to know someone, which yield far better results.

Let’s start with the eye contact phase. There’s no need for it
to last half a year! When you’re attracted to someone, just go up and talk to them instead of
acting like a creepy stalker for months. That way, you’ll have the chance to be disappointed in them much faster and move on. The same goes for people you meet on the street. It might be a little weird to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, but let’s be realistic—cool people aren’t lining up to meet you! It’s high time you realized that even the slightest chance that the person in front of you isn’t a total jerk is worth it.

We move on to the far more complicated stage: “Say ‘Hi’—or Not.” You’ve run into each other a few times in different places, maybe exchanged a few words, and now it’s not entirely clear whether you know each other. You might say “hello,” and the other person might just give you a strange look, making you look like a complete idiot, or you might walk right past them, which makes you seem arrogant. And the best part is that this can go on for years.

I don’t know if it’s Christmas or if you’ve met your fairy godmother, but a miracle has happened, and you’re now in the third stage, where you’re actually talking to someone. And here are the questions you’re asking yourself:

– What’s your name?

– How old are you?

– Where are you from?

– What do you do?

And all of this is just a prelude to a passionate conversation about time. What did you learn about the other person? Nothing! Just meaningless nonsense that interests neither you nor him. Now let’s try some questions that are worth asking:

– Are you capable of feeling love?

– What is beautiful?

– How far would you go to stand up for yourself?

– Do you have the strength to be free?

– How many colors are there in the spectrum of your spirit?

– What is your soul woven from?

– Have you happened to kill anyone lately?

– Are you a religious fanatic?

– Are you sexually deviant?

Strange or not, it’s an indisputable fact that the second set of questions will give you valuable insight. Set your priorities straight and take an interest in the spiritual quests of the person next to you, rather than what their favorite food is. And please, when we meet, don’t ask me my name. I don’t care!