We know that for a relationship to work, we need to have things in common. But we often overestimate our ability to recognize them. Because the correct common ground is not about width, but about depth.

The most important similarity with another person is having the same emotional depth. If one person’s feelings are a raging ocean, while the other’s fit into a teaspoon, things will never work out. If we lack that depth, our partner can never give us the understanding and support we truly need. And they wouldn’t be able to love us for who we truly are.

Similarly, entering a relationship with someone who is more emotionally deep than you dooms you to the constant feeling that you aren’t enough. That something is missing, and no matter what you do, connection remains out of reach.

How do we define emotional depth?

How deep a person is isn’t determined by the question “What?”, but by the questions “How?” and “Why?”. Similarities shouldn’t be sought at the level of likes and preferences. That’s just a superficial match, which often leads to self-deception and toxic relationships. The right similarities lie in how you view the world and why you are alive, not in which aspects of life you love.

If you love the mountains, you don’t need someone who likes mountains. You need someone who loves the sea.

A free person will always find common ground with another free person, even if their personalities are completely different. Those who remain true to themselves will always find common ground with others, even if they hold different views. Those who know what is sacred will always connect with others who know it too, even if their values are completely different.

It’s not what we like, but how strongly we stand by our choices. It’s not what we choose, but why we choose it. It’s not what we are, but who we are. That is the point where two personalities touch.

A fruitful connection is when one beauty can see another beauty and has the courage to love it.